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Auchtermichty Aw-Stars Versus The Warld
Hamish Heidthebaw and Tamsin Taebash and rest of the team are ready to win their 223rd game in a row. But their coach has accidentally set up a match with a bunch of robots. Auchtermichty Aw-Stars take on the toughest team in the universe in Thomas Clarks’ brilliant fitba comedy.
BILLY: Naw.
FIONA: But aye.
TAMSIN: It isnae.
FIONA: It is.
DEEK: It cannae be.
FIONA: It’s naethin but.
BILLY, TAMSIN and DEEK: No….
(They reach intae the bag aw at wance an pull oot…)
BILLY, TAMSIN and DEEK: The away strip!!!
(The hale team groans as the shirts are held up, bowfin mixter-maxters o puce, beige, an snottery-green.)
HAMISH: (Coverin his face wi his hauns) Ma een! They’re meltin!
TAMSIN: I think I’m gonnae boak. It’s like they took aw oor schuil denners an turnt them intae a fitba strip.
DEEK: We’d be better aff weirin ma granny’s auld curtains. The wans her cat wis sick on.
BILLY: How are these meant tae gang wi ma fantoosh new buits?! Nut. Ah cannae deal wi this.
MALKY: How is yon McGowk even oor manager? The auld radge couldnae pick his neb in the daurk wi baith hauns.
FIONA: Weel, there’s nae pynt girnin aboot it. They’re no aboot tae chynge the rules jist for us. Away team weirs their away tap. Disnae matter if they’re the best team in the hale entire galaxy.